Back again...reflecting

Okay I'm back....seems that as I am not yet used to this sight being one of my "regulars" I forgot the password and was to lazy to do anything about it. But i know that writing is soo good for me once i get back into it. So...I will continue in hopes that that love for the written word resurfaces:P

I think that life is just now starting to calm down. I just now feel as though we are starting to settle where we are. We have lived in Mount Vernon since June but is hard when you don't know anyone...I tend to feel isolated. I am a people person and its hard when i don't have any people!
I am thankful that after a year and a half we actually have a church....even though i don't feel totally comfortable yet. Its not that there is anything wrong with it...it just hard to get close to people when you only see the backs of their heads a few hours a week. I long for good friendships.....I really don't do well without them. I have my dearest Abz and Mal, both of which live back in Idaho so its hard being all alone. I love my hubby.....but i need other people too:P

It takes me so long to open up to people.....I think it because i put so much into a relationship....I am not one of those people who can have lots and lots of great relationships and maintain them all. I put my heart and soul into my friendships....because they are that important to me.
There are plenty of women at the church.....but they have all known each other for a while....and its hard to feel like I belong..........I'm working on it thought.

I feel now.....that in my life it is time for me to start over. I think that thats why God allowed us to move here....a fresh start. And I thank Him for that.
Its not that I have spent the last two years hardened...although some people have thought that....its just that I HAD to be the strong one....my family and friends around me NEEDED me to be...I saw that......and I tried to do my best but obviously i didn't go about that quite the right way....I did not pull my strength fully from the Lord.
All the while i was broken inside.....and for fear of letting my loved ones down i hid it.
That continued to break me. And i allowed it to put a wedge between my Lord and I.
I saw it all along...it wasn't a surprise to me.
But now...now is the time to heal. And it is a slow process......I have soooo much to be thankful for and i need to start living like I AM thankful for them.
There are still things that i don't understand.....but I'm okay with it....and even though i went through a hard time i see how strong it is making me now. strength is Christ Jesus.
I also see how strong our hardships have in turn made my marriage...I would never want to go through them again...but i'm thankful we did.....and I am thankful for what the Lord has made of us!!!!
anyway enough rambling.....just felt the need to exclaim that.....Christ has made me whole.......and for once in a long time....I fell it...I feel whole. Praise Jesus!

-Lyss